Have you ever walked past a mirror, saw the reflection of yourself out of the corner of your eye and had to do a double-take because you didn't recognize yourself? Well last night I experienced something like that. It was probably around 3:00 or 3:30am and I went into the bathroom for a drink of water. While pouring my cup, I looked up in the mirror and saw the reflection of myself.
It has been said that the eyes are the windows to your soul...well, I'll admit it; I leaned in and looked myself in the eye, my face only a foot away from the mirror and stared for about 10 minutes. I know what I look like, but for a moment, I thought I glimpsed who I was. I stared as deep into my own eyes as one could possibly stare, strangely anxious for answers.
You see, there is something inside of me that few have the discernment to see. The potential man I can become. I look inside myself and I see the potential for greatness. I see a destiny that God has laid out for me and I see myself striving for righteousness through obedience to His commands. I see a strong warrior for the cause of Christ. A man of God.
Then a moment passes and I can see someone completely different even as I stare into the same face. I see a villain. A destructive, selfish, and perverted man. I see the potential for me to turn my back on God, on my beliefs, and on those who love me. I see a hollow shell of the person God intended for me to be.
The road to becoming a man is not a well-marked one for me, especially in light of the fact that my own father chose to step out of my family circle and pursue his own interests. I was raised being told that living a certain way was important and then when I become old enough to seriously pursue manhood and had secured a higher level of independence, my father turned his back on the very lifestyle he had raised me to believe in.
This is not to say I walk alone. But it is to say that I have seen firsthand that we get a choice in life and those choices leave a mark. I'll be honest, I had lived a lifetime under the guidance of godly father who acted honorably and with integrity. And with one destructive decision, he wiped that from my memory. I no longer remember what its like to have my father live in the same house as me. In fact, if I try to imagine what it'd be like to wake up tomorrow morning to my father eating breakfast in the kitchen, that thought seems out of place. Foreign.
My father made his choice. His lifetime of good was swept away in a day. And even now, he has the potential to come back around. To repair what he chose to destroy. To take hold of what he willingly laid down. To become a man of God again, not the shell of who he used to be. It hit me hard last night. Something simple. Something I already knew in my head, but not in my heart. I must choose who I become.
The man in the mirror that I spent 10 minutes staring at was both the villain and the hero of my future. Within me, I saw darkness. Anger and bitterness. I also saw light. I saw love and compassion. Patience and a kind smile. I have potential, indeed. But which part of me to feed?
I do not walk through life alone. But in choosing what kind of man I become, that is something I alone can do. You cannot make that choice for me. My mother cannot make that choice for me. My pastor cannot choose which path I take. By God's grace, the devil himself cannot choose what I become.
Every one of us has potential. You have the potential for evil or the potential for good. The choice is yours to make and to stick to day by day. I have seen myself in the mirror. I have seen what is within me. And as my namesake said, as for me and my house...we shall serve the Lord.
I am Joshua Allan Ramos. The man in the mirror is me. And while I accept that there is darkness in my heart, I make the hard choice to resist it. To wage war on it. To pursue Christ and the righteousness He offers me. I seek to be a man of God. That is my choice. I pray to stick by that decision and work hard to uphold my honor and the name of the Lord my God. I pray that I never give up on this quest, never yield the road to the villain within me, or that I abandon the code I am choosing to live by. This is my oath of faith. This is who I am choosing to become.
Who will you choose to become?
What an awesome statement my brother! About your insights into yourself! But I'm so sorry, sweetheart. So sorry that your dad has failed you. I am also hopeful. Hopeful for the healing that is possible between him and his family. Never give up on that hope. All things are possible with God. If it's a consolation to you, my own mother and I had a horrible relationship. I was ever bowing before her in an attempt to win her approval and love. She was ever pushing away from me. Jealous of me. She had an atrociously horrible childhood. She's amazing to have survived it as well as she has but it's all but destroyed her ability to be a good, loving, attentive, concerned mother. I must make all effort towards her. But, through Christ, that relationship is so much better. We talk and laugh freely now. I prayed so hard about it and God healed all those wounds for me. So, that being said, look for the light of hope in this, because it's always there.
ReplyDeleteI also want you to focus on a truth that God wants us to know. Remember what grace is. Remember that when you were saved that God imparted His grace to you and that His grace is sufficient. That means that you don't have to do the work. He will do the work but you have to allow it. That means that when a chance comes to minister somehow and it's uncomfortable to even think of what you're being asked to do, that's when God is doing a work and gauging your level of willingness and obedience. Yours is only to obey when those moments arise. I hear you speaking a lot about your hope for strength to do. We don't have to strive so much in that regard. Remember that the "yoke is easy and the burden is light." Let yourself just be in Jesus. You can't work for it, my brother. He wants you to rest in His arms and allow the moving of the Holy Spirit in you.
Ok, I'll sign off here. I wanted to address Google+ because we have a great purpose to tell the world about God's love and Google+ is a great platform for it. Otherwise I wouldn't mention it at all. Now, anything can become like trash. There are people there that you wouldn't want to necessarily associate with, however, you get to choose. It's called circles and you simply type in an interest in the search box after opening the account and find posts that match your criteria. Those are the people you want in your circles and so you add them. From there you build a community of people to make connections with that suit you. You get to choose your friends in Google+. It's not like facebook. There's an incredible community of people here. I wouldn't tell you about it if it wasn't. I wouldn't ask my little brother to come to someplace that would cause him hurt. Now way! So, let me know if you have any questions. I'll be happy to answer them all.
I'll add that I understand your not wanting distractions. I don't either but I've integrated this platform into my life as a means to share the love of Christ. Not by posting Christian posts all the time, or speaking only in scripture. But by just showing love and peppering my speech with facts that will elude to my faith. Then, as they get to know me, the gently come out of their shells and ask more intimate questions about Christ. God draws them by His Spirit.
Ok, another great post. I love you my little brother! Thanks for coming by "LOVE FOR ALL" and I hope to hear from you soon. God bless you.
Kelline,
DeleteAs always, your posts are appreciated. Thank you for your sympathies about my father. I realize that I am not alone in what happened to me and that many families have endured much worse tragedies than what I experienced. It is something that doesn't hurt like it used to, but it makes certain experiences harder to have because I am lacking that key support. I am so glad that you and your mom were able to restore a friendship and have a healthy relationship again. I hope that much for me and my father.
Indeed, grace is a wonderful thing. And it is not something I am not discounting in my thought process, though I realize how it may appear like that after reading my post again. Here is what I know about myself; I must not make room for the responsibility to fall on someone else or I will not feel motivated to act. I will slack off. Not saying that I do not need God or that I'm going at it on my own, but that I have a responsibility to God and to myself to try my best and leave the results to Him. And when I fall, its okay because of grace. But I have to have to courage to say 'I will'. That is definitely where my weakness lies. Too often I say 'I will' and do not follow through, or at least don't carry on as long as I should. That is a trend I am trying to change. Obedience is what is required, and committed obedience is where I often fall short. I am praying for His grace, and my diligence in that regard. :-)
Hi Josh,
ReplyDeletejust read your post. Yes, we do have choices but I have to admit that the more I walk down the road that the Lord encourages me to walk, the better my life becomes. What I used to think was a 'broad road', before I became a christian, only led me to unhappiness and restriction. What I believed was a 'narrow road' has led me out into a 'broad space' where all things are possible.
God bless you with wisdom and love as you make your choices.
Hi Josh,
ReplyDeletecame back to make another comment on your blog because as I was on my computer this afternoon I came accross something I wrote a long time ago, and it came into my mind that it might encourage you. It was something that I felt God was speaking into my life at the time and, although I know He speaks to each of us individuals, shared testimonies can sometimes be used to encourage.
Do not be tainted by a love that is not God's. Don't let innocence be spoiled by a wisdom that is Earthly. Always remain as a child in your own wisdom so that the greatness of God's words can be allowed to enter into the ears of your heart, so that you may grow up into Him and remember no more the foolishness of this present world. For there is a part of you which cannot understand His words and it would seek to rob you of His truth. It is the mind of your first father, Adam, a fleshly mind. The Lord speaks and your heart receives, but your mind tries to intervene and to reason with logic. Oppose that which is at enmity with God and receive into your heart only that which is pleasing to Him, His words, which are Spirit and life.
Put away the mirror child
lay it on a shelf
It won't reflect perfection
it only shows you... self
Look into the well of life
and see another face
the face of God the Father
full of truth and Grace
This water it will cleanse you
from the filthiness of sin
Throw off your rags of this world
come son of adam.... step in
Yes put away the mirror child
and lay it on a shelf
lest you forget what God's making you
and become your former self
God bless
Brenda,
ReplyDeleteThank you for checking out my blog. I appreciate your insight and encouragement. I also believed growing up that the Christian life was mostly rules and "thy shall not"s. I now better understand the freedom of a believer. The difficulty for myself is in allowing that freedom to be enough for me when there are parts of my heart that long for other things sometimes.
Thank you for sharing what you wrote. It is a masterful work and indeed a great encouragement. It is definitely something I will remember and continue to come back to. Thanks again. :-)